Reflection

This Wednesday will be my fourth MRI since I have been diagnosed. I am so anxiously awaiting this appointment. I am hoping to see nothing new on the MRI. I am hoping to hear, you are doing good, keep it up. I am hoping to hear, keep on the Tysaburi and life will go on. As the appointment approaches, I can't help but to reflect on how the past four years have been. I know I have a positive attitude and am a fighter, but to be honest, the past four years have been hell with my MS. I cry about how it was, now realizing it all once it was over. Now doing this new medicine that does not make me like the Avonex did, is such a blessing. For four years, every single week, EVERY SINGLE WEEK, I was sick for two days if not more. I took my shot in the leg or arm every Sunday. I knew that after I took the shot, I had about three hours before I felt like a semi- truck hit me and then ran me back over again and again. Or it felt like someone took a baseball bat and just hit me over and over again. It was awful. I tried all the medications I could to get over the "hump" like the doctors called it but they either made me more sick or did nothing at all. It was almost an out of body experience that I could just not wait for it to be over. The pain would wake you up at night so sleep was not always the answer. It was miserable but it was the only thing I knew what to do and just did it. I would look at others and always think, if you only knew what I have to go through each and every week, your small problem would be nothing. No one could possibly understand how it felt, unless Avonex reacted to them the same way. Some MS patients felt like this others were able to get through these side effects. I was not a lucky one and am just so lucky for the new drug now. I do not want to sound like a complainer with all this. It is just a good feeling to finally really tell everyone how it was. I know I would say it is all good but it wasn't after four years of having to do this. I did not have it in me anymore to keep this going. I would panic and think this is not how I want to live for the rest of my life. So when I had three relapses in a row, one too many I know, when I was told it's time to do something else for you have progressed, I was actually relieved. How horrible is that? I had to progress in order to get a new drug. As crappy as that is, I am forever greatful for new and better medication. So going in to my MRI appointment, the results just have to be good! I do not ever want to have to go through the past four years again. BUT, if I have to, I WILL! My life is too amazing not to! The fight will go on regardless. The fight will ALWAYS go on:)